Big Red Walking: Blondes Have More Fun

"This was the breakup of a lifetime. The kind that would chain one into bed for a month eating Doritos, ice cream and wine, while listening to overly dramatic/key change ridden/wailing love songs from the 70s. I was torn, you know? Because you know, "I can’t live…if living is without you. I cant live, I cant give anymore…." It’s just that…it’s just… I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t a blonde."

-- Big Red Walking: The Breakup

It was a day of great sorrow when I abandoned her. Why the hell did I do it?

I tried to justify my actions, my reasons for straying. The best I could come up with was the best of cliche breakup excuses: It's not you it's me...it's just something I have to do...I am going through something, I need to find myself. Oh-cry-me-a-freaking-river!

Nearly 10 months after I abandoned my loyal, beloved blonde for a sultry, serious redhead--much longer than I ever believed in my heart that I would remain with the dark-haired mistress--I sat before her reflection yet again and plead for her forgiveness, plead for her to take me back with open arms.

I tried to reason. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

[Silence.]

Me: "I was in a bad place. I didn't know what I wanted. I needed a change, I didn't know what else to do. Come back to me."

[Silence.]

Me: "What do I have to do to convince you that I won't betray you again?"

Her: "Did you love her more than me?"

Me: [groan]

Her: "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Me: "It wasn't the same. It could never be the same."

Her: "I could have told you that. You should have believed in me. In us. I've always stood by you through thick and thin, and you just cut me free like that, on a folly? On a whim?"

Me: "I'm sorry. I was wrong. But I've grown. I've learned from my mistakes."

Her: "This is going to take a lot of work."

Me: "I'll do anything."

Her: "You're going to have to prove yourself to me. This isn't going to be an easy road."

Me: "Anything. Anything."

We sat in silence. But we sat together. We sat together until the foils of hardship were washed down the drain--and before me sat the image of the blonde I've loved since childhood. Remnants of the red linger, causing her heart to remain somewhat darkened...but there is no question that with time and patience, her presence will grow stronger, her blonde heart lighter, putting the folly of my affair with Big Red behind me for good.

That's not to say that I didn't enjoy Big Red for a time. Certainly, the allure of trying something on different for size was something I needed to explore. But when it came down to it, I missed what I knew far too much. I missed what I've always loved, I missed a piece of my identity--and she was nowhere to be found except for scattered in the memories of old photographs.

Testimonial: I’ve learned, and I’ve grown. I know who I am, I know who I want to be. Sometimes in life, our game needs to be thrown off a bit before we can push ahead. Sometimes in life, we need to move outside our comfort zone to fully appreciate what we have. It's time for fun!

Signed,

Big Blonde Giggling

[Click here to read the first post Big Red Walking: The Breakup]